Yesterday Sas's post reminded me that it's the solstice. She asks herself and her readers 6 questions to notice where we are at this moment, at the halfway mark, and I decided to join in and answer her questions. So here we go :)
One: Did you have a word for this year? How has it manifested itself?
My word for 2013 was LOVE. I wanted to feel love for myself again, show others that I love them (I'm not particularly good at that), spend more time with the ones I love, spend more time doing the things I love.
And now that I think of it, I think all of these things actually happened, and are happening.
Since the beginning of this year I have actually started to listen to the little voice inside of me that represents my heart. It has been overruled by that loud rational voice, that is way too often driven by fear. But now that I actually listen to that little voice in the background, it's getting louder and louder. It's telling me what I love to do, who I love to be with, what I am proud of, what I want to achieve in this little life of mine.
Two: What are you most proud of?
I am very proud of me. And I'm very proud of the fact that I dare say that out loud now. I am proud of the way my body is getting stronger due to all the running, yoga and climbing I do. I am proud of the fact that I managed to keep this blog going for almost 6 months now. I am proud that I am listening to that little voice inside again.
Three: What have you chosen to let go of?
I am trying to let go of old hurts. It takes a lot of tiny baby steps, but I'm on the right way.
I am letting go of the idea that my job is what defines me. At the moment I don't have a job (I'm a housewife without the wife part, more or less ;), and at first that made me feel like crap, inferior, unworthy. I wasn't contributing, so why did I have a right to anything? Over time I noticed that others did not treat me the way I was treating myself. Not my boyfriend, not my friends, not my family. So why did I, then? That's when I managed to let that feeling go, little by little. This has been such a valuable lesson to me.
Four: What has been your greatest joy or surprise so far this year?
Maybe this is going to sound weird, but I never thought my body was made for exercise. It just didn't cooperate, got tired too soon, I didn't see the fun in it.
This year I've taken up running again (I have done it in the past, but never stuck to it), and I started bouldering about a year ago. Now believe you me, I was so surprised to see that, especially over the course of the last few months, those chicken filets on my arms actually turned into proper muscles! And I'm now back at running 30 minutes, without feeling like I'm about to die. This was quite the surprise :)
Five: What book, movie, exhibition, tv programme, play, concert, article, photograph, or website has been your favourite find?
Barfi!, a Bollywood movie, has made quite an impression on me. It got a deep and necessary conversation going between me and Imre, and I'm very grateful for that. Plus, the movie is beautiful.
The blog of Elise is also a favourite find. The way she handles life is so inspiring. She actually gave birth to a beautiful baby girl yesterday!
The Naked Song festival Imre and I went to last Saturday, it was very inspirational. Xavier Rudd in particular.
Ha, and for obvious reasons I cannot leave out the latest season of Game of Thrones ;-)
Six: What three things do you want for yourself by the next Solstice – 21st December 2013?
I want to still be running, and by then I want to keep up with it during the winter.
I would LOVE to have the PhD position I'm currently applying for, because it is an AWESOME project and I would be stinkin' good at it. Just so you know.
I want to hone my creativity. I want to make stuff with my hands, and I want to keep sharing those things and my thoughts on this little blog of mine.
Sas, thanks so much for these questions. They were exactly what I needed!
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